Special privilege for white people has been confirmed to ‘have limits’, after a spokesperson for Heaven has stated that ‘being white will not get you into heaven.’


The comment has caught many by surprise, as it throws question on the commonly held belief that white people had an automatic pass into the afterlife’s VIP room.


‘It is just a real stab in the back,’ Edith May told the press outside her local community church that is also known for its white supremacist groups. ‘I am not one to judge Jesus. But he should be looking after his own.’


old church

The news is a real challenge to the idea of white privilege. Sociologist and social rights activist Ronda Hedges has called the move ‘a real move in the right direction.’


‘For many years now everyone has been very aware of white privilege. White people think they can go where they want and do what they want. Heaven making this statement really shows that this is not reality.’


However, Ms Hedges also said the statement ‘didn’t go far enough.’ Going on to say that ‘It is all well and good that Heaven has made this stand. But what about the sexism? Because it isn’t just white people who are the problem, but men. Then if we look at the bible we see that there were not any female prophits.’



‘Perhaps Heaven should have a think about this and send a woman to march some people to the promised land instead of another guy. If it had been a woman maybe it wouldn’t have taken Mosses 40 years to move his people 750 kms. A woman would have stopped to ask for directions.’


mosses desert

Critics of the announcement have pointed out that there is no evidence of this being an official statement. The man who made the original post on social media has been tracked down and found to be Gabriel Ford, a 46 year old man living with his mother in Brighton on the South Coast of the United Kingdom.


Local priest, Father Godfrey Turner, has said that he met with the man, but ‘there is little evidence’ that he is in fact a spokesperson for Heaven. The only sign that he may be connected to the divine afterlife were some marks on his hand that could be stigmata, or an ‘unfortunate rash.’

The jury is out.



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